- Mood: totally bummed
- Itch Index: low
- Depression Index: med-hi
- Weather: raining, 80 Deg
Long time, no write !
Not necessarily because things have been going good or bad, just - I don't really know why I haven't been updating my journal really...
Anyhoo, started taking anti-depressants a few weeks ago, started on Prozac with no side effects, but told that Wellbutrin would be better to help with my lack of sex drive, so switched to those, but I can only take half the normal dose, or it makes me REALLY nauseous and wake up with a headache every morning, but SP says my mood AND libido has really improved so that's a good thing.
But yesteray was shitty. We had a few friends over to decorate/sew and light up costumes for Burning Man, and suddenly I felt nauseous and anti-social so i went upstairs to watch tv for the rest of the evening.
I started panicking about going to Burning Man, and all the 'commitments' we had made. Particularly my 'naked sushi platter' night. I will be TOTALLY naked (not usually a problem) and covered in pieces of sushi and sashimi for the rock-star dinner, where about 40 'star' guests from Burning Man will come for a 6 course dinner, with me being an appetizer.
I have asked a friend to come over later this week and try and cover or disguise my hysterectomy scars with Henna, so I don't gross anyone out, and I have to be totally waxed bare, and I have these two ingrowing hairs that have made a big red lump and so he will have to disguise that too 
So I'm nervous that he won't be able to disguise everything, secondly how long will I be laid out flat on a board with sushi on me, will I be dying to pee? Usually I can only go an hour or so without peeing.... so THAT'S a huge worry....
Then, what if I have an itch?? My arms and legs will also be covered in sushi, so i wont be able to move at all...
Ok if I have a face or leg or belly itch, maybe I can ask someone to scratch it, but what if my hoo-haa itches?? What if some wasabi falls into the area and burns?? 
So now I don't want to go to Burning Man AT ALL. I just want to give it all up and stay home. Unfortunately, we have $300 of illicit substances ordered and paid for already, $250 non-refundable entry ticket, $400 non-refundable airline ticket, not to mention having to let down the organizer of the very important dinner where I am supposed to be sushi platter...
I feel TOTALLY obligated to go now, because of the money SP has spent on the trip, the commitments I have made to various camps to volunteer etc. If it was MY money I had spent, I wouldn't feel the pressure to go, I'd just make out I was ill, and just blow it off. But SP will shit if I back out, and probably dump me too, so it's just not an option.
I'm just dreading being nauseous every day from the anti-depressants, and taking other drugs on top of that, and the heat and the dust (thank god we have an RV) and having to show up for all this stuff I committed to 
Also we have Hurricane Faye on the way to South Florida, so that won't be much fun either.
I JUST DON'T WANNA !!
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